Artful Living

Don’t Ask Where My Heart Has Gone

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“Where has my heart gone?” you asked, 

Once broken and entangled, now free at last.

Transformed into abundant love, it flows,

Composing words of love for flowers that grow.

An ode to the heart, it writes,

Connecting heart to heart, it ignites.

The beautiful scenery in your heart, it blooms,

A garden planted, a love that looms.

“Where has my heart gone?” you asked,

Like Alice in Wonderland, we take,

A journey we make, with strength that won’t break.

Our hearts in full bloom, they sing,

A melody of love, like the bells that ring.

Thank you for every journey in my heart

We’ll never be apart.

不要問我的心往哪兒去了

不要問我的心往哪兒去了

那曾經心碎的、糾結的

都漸漸釋放，盼再釋放

轉化成豐盛的愛

化作愛花之語

譜出一首心之頌歌

與你與心傳心，以心連心

讓我們的雙心

綻放內心艷麗的景致

不要問我的心往哪兒去了

尤如愛麗斯夢遊仙境

把那份相似的堅強

栽種在彼此心靈的花園

讓你的心花怒放

讓我的心花怒放

感謝內心的每段遊歷 我會永遠懷念

Markus invited us to play with the papers without any specific direction or theme. Initially, it was a challenging instruction to follow as I found it hard to play spontaneously. However, as I began to touch, tear and twist the papers, I became more present in the moment and more aware of my senses. Through this process, I could sense not just the texture of the papers but also the emotions that emerged from within me.

We were given instructions to create artwork using pieces of paper. We were also asked to leave a response for each other by freely associating each artwork with words, lyrics, images, etc. When I received the responses from my peers, I was amazed and inspired by the words they wrote for me. I used those words to create a poem titled “Don’t Ask Where My Heart Has Gone”. I tried to make use of every word to “dialogue” with my artwork and wrote a free-form poem. By reading my poem, I started developing a musical piece in my mind. It was an extraordinary journey for me to unfold spontaneously without judgment, control, or intention for specific outcomes.

The process of “de-centering” allows me to pause and be present in the moment. In the past, I used to feel guilty when I took a break as if I was not putting in enough effort. But now I understand that taking a step back can help me engage more effectively. Overall, I am grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow through this module, and I look forward to continuing my journey of self-discovery through the arts.

The Ferris Wheel in My Dream – Active Imagination

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Dream The Dream On

“Active Imagination” involves having a “dialogue with the image” in our dreams by expressing them through some form of self-expression. The aim is to give voice to different personalities within oneself, particularly the anima, animus, and the shadow, that are usually ignored. This helps establish communication between the conscious and the unconscious mind.

I shared a recurring dream that I keep having with my two group mates. It’s about a theme park that I have never been to before. In the dream, I look out of my window and see a beautiful and colorful flower field, similar to the ones in the Netherlands. Suddenly, the field transforms into a theme park, and I see people gathered for an opening ceremony. Even though I stay in my apartment and watch them from afar, my heart yearns to be part of the fun. This dream often wakes me up at this particular moment, and I wonder what this dream signifies and what messages my subconscious mind is trying to convey to me. So, I hope to understand the significance of my dreams through active imagination and gain a deeper understanding of myself.

Beyond simply noticing the images, the process also involves a conscious participation in them. My teammates and teacher asked me to describe my dream in more detail. They also asked what I would like to say to the crowd if I could “dream the dream on”. I replied that I would ask the crowd, “May I play with you?” However, they wondered how the crowd would respond. I told them that the crowd didn’t seem to notice me and just continued playing with each other. Feeling left out, I went downstairs and ran to them, telling them that I wanted to play with them. But they hardly gave any response. When I tried to approach them closely, they started leaving the theme park. Suddenly, all the lighting and facilities of the park turned off, and everywhere became dark. They then asked me how I would react at that moment, and I said that I shouted to the crowd, “Why couldn’t you just wait for me!” This sentence made me cry immediately because it reminded me of a childhood experience when I got lost in a shopping mall, and my mother wasn’t with me. This feeling of being left out or abandoned resurfaced, revealing my inner fear of loneliness.

One of my groupmates made an artwork to provide me with his aesthetic response – a paper model of a Ferris Wheel. It was fascinating to look at, and it got me thinking about my dream. I decided to try and give my dream an ending, using the Ferris Wheel as my inspiration. To continue with my dream, I found myself standing alone at a theme park in the dark. I could see a security guard there for checking the facilities. I approached him and asked him whether he could turn on the Ferris Wheel for me to take one ride, and he kindly agreed. As I got into the cabinet on the Ferris Wheel, I could feel the excitement inside of me. The view from the Ferris Wheel was stunning. From that higher perspective, I could see the surrounding areas and appreciate their beauty that I never think of. I look forward to exploring this technique further and discovering the transformative power it holds.

Overall, it was a surreal experience, and I’m glad I got to live it, even if it was only in a dream. Through the process of active imagination, I was able to connect with my deepest fear and gradually transform it into a sense of courage, enabling me to stand alone. The artwork created by my groupmate sparked my imagination and was crucial to the healing process. For this, I am truly grateful. As Jung suggested, dwelling on the image can act as a transcendent function, helping us to understand ourselves, live in the present moment, and accept reality as it is, rather than how we think it should be. And it coincidently echoes to my Temenos.

My Temenos

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A “Temenos” is a Greek term used to describe a sacred and secure space. It is the personal boundary that surrounds an analytical relationship, fostering feelings of safety and privacy and promoting deeper analysis and introspection.

Today, I spent quality time working on my Temenos, a space I have created for myself using clay and other art materials. I also used netting (with clay) to make my personal space relatively elastic and transparent, which gives it a unique look. One of the key elements of my Temenos is an hourglass that I created using clay. This hourglass symbolizes the idea of time travel, which is something that has been on my mind a lot lately. I often find myself reflecting on the past, yet I would like connecting more with my present, and instilling hope to anticipate the future, and this hourglass serves as a reminder of that. In addition to the hourglass, I also created a boat to transport a clock that represents the passage of time. However, when I finished the boat, it appeared stranded, which was not what I had intended. During the group sharing, my teacher Eve pointed out that “netting” appears frequently in my artwork, she encouraged me to look for the symbolic meaning of “netting,” and I did. I came across an interesting website that talked about the metaphysical meaning of nets. According to the site, a net symbolizes the human mind that catches thoughts, which shape our external circumstances. As I reflected on this, I realized that my mind often works tirelessly in the darkness of my understanding, but I do not always see the results I desired for. However, it also mentioned that when we perceive and follow God, the net is cast on the “right side,” leading us towards true success. I was contemplating the act of weaving, I realized how it represents the processes of creation and growth. Each thread is carefully intertwined, forming a beautiful and intricate design. It made me reflect on how our lives are also a tapestry of experiences, woven together to create a unique and beautiful story. As I continued to weave, I couldn’t help but think about the past and how often I overthink it. I realized that dwelling on the past takes away from the present moment, and it’s the present that shapes our future. I wish I could stay more present and live in the moment for a brighter and more fulfilling future. I hope to keep this in mind and work towards a better mindset to stay on the right path.

By using the clay to craft my Temenos, it was a humbling experience to work with such a simple material, but I found that clay allowed for great flexibility and creativity in the art-making process. While I was molding and shaping the clay, it allowed me to carefully bring my vision to life that I never could have imagined. It was an intricate process, but the malleability of the clay allowed me to create complex details and textures that added depth and character to the final product.

The Sensory Encounter

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The Permission of Wherever I was

“Active Imagination” involves having a “dialogue with the image” in our Today, I had an enlightening experience in my module on the Phenomenological Approach. Our trainer, Markus Scott-Alexander, led us through a variety of art forms, including visual, kinesthetic, and body movement.

One of the activities that stood out to me was when we partnered up with another participant to take turns performing a dance while the other person observed and created a drawing of the dance’s trajectory. I found this to be a unique way of exploring self-expression and creativity while also engaging with others.

I had a revelation while dancing. I realized that it is important for me to give myself permission to fully embrace my own pace and steps. In the past, I used to shy away from being the center of attention, as it made me feel anxious. However, when my partner paid attention to my steps and helped me track the ways I danced, I felt completely engaged. Her undivided attention was incredibly supportive and helped me step out of my comfort zone.

I received a beautiful drawing from my partner after I finished my dance. As soon as I looked at it, I saw my life flash before my eyes like a kaleidoscope. The various trajectories of my “dancing journey” were reflected in the drawing. Like my life trajectories, some parts were easy and smooth, while others were more challenging. However, they all created a colourful and beautiful picture of my life. As I continue to reflect on my life, I felt grateful for every experience that has brought me to where I am today. Even the tough times have helped me become stronger and wiser. It’s amazing how every experience, whether good or bad, has helped me grow and learn. I’ve also come to realize that life isn’t just about reaching the destination, but also about the journey. Each step we take, each obstacle we overcome, and each moment we cherish is essential in creating a unique and beautiful picture of our lives. It’s important to appreciate each moment, no matter how small, as every experience shapes who we are. This moment of reflection has been transformative. I’m thankful for this reminder and the beautiful drawing that perfectly captured the essence of my journey.

Family-of-origin Journey@ Watercolor X Lego

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The basic therapeutic principle of Bowen Theory is that ” …… the emotional problem between two people will resolve automatically if they can remain in contact with a third person who can remain free of the emotional field between them, while actively relating to each” (Bowen, 1978, p. 229). During the group sessions, it was important for me to see emotional process flowing back and forth among the participants. By building their models, participants were able to observe and “see” the relationship patterns with their family members and how s/he relate to each of them. Majority of them were inspired with a quote from Dr. Bowen that … …

“An entire family can be changed through the effort of one person.”

(Bowen, 1978, p.246)

Without putting the blame on others or taking the blame from others, participants were encouraged to reflect on their “automatic responses” and “functioning pattern” while they were interacting with their family members. It was helpful to realize the reciprocal effect of one’s reaction to the other and the hypothetical beliefs that s/he holds toward the other. With a more thoughtful base of guided principles, some members were able to cut through the reactivity, such as anxiously lecturing their children or partners. By being more observant in the family and more tolerate of tension, distress and anger, it allows new relationship patterns to emerge and bring forth positive changes.

An Undiscovered Pearl

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I have also put a pearl in a seashell onto my mandela. Pearl usually represents a symbolic of wisdom and well known for its calming effect. The formation of a pearl begins when an irritant slips its way into the shell of particular species of oyster, mussel, or clam. As a natural defense, the mollusk secretes a fluid to coat the irritant. Taking some time, layer upon layer of this coating is deposited on the irritant until a beautiful pearl is formed.

This pearl forming process resembles my growing up journey in various aspects. The irritant is similar to some hurdles and struggles arising from different life incidents that I have been encountering. I could be defensive in times of anxiety, yet my core self becomes more and more solid by opening up to and going through different life experiences. I happened to see myself as “a pearl left in the boundless sea” (i.e., 滄海遺珠) that I have to uncover my strengths and uniqueness without the need to seek for recognition of others.

Serendipity and Happy Accident

Jung stated“Synchronicity is an ever-present reality for those who have eyes to see.” It helps to derive value from coincidental events and assist one in overcoming negative thought patterns and self-limiting beliefs. I have associated synchronicity with another word “Serendipity” that I first seen from a 2001 romantic movie. Serendipity is when you stumble on a happenstance when you least expect it. I love to experience the idea of a “happy accident” when I am doing watercolor painting. It seems like a paradox when we used to associate “accident” with an unexpected negative event that usually ends up in disappointment, damage and injuries. Doing watercolor painting is never easy, especially when you intend to control the flow and mixing of colors. Though sometimes the colors may not go into the ways I would like to see, the creativity and openness allow me to accept and even transform those unplanned incident into something special. The willingness to go with the flows of life events and the openness to see thing in different light allows me to stay attuned to my changeable surroundings, especially when I learn to derive meaning from every “chance encounters”.

Mandela & Synchronicity

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My mandela resembles the image of a native American dream catcher, which is a protective charm used to help assure good dreams to those who sleep under them. I did not intend to create it, but simply using some threads to make curve with lines to imply that I am a flexible person yet I also act on principles (i.e., 外圓內方). I left the dream catcher unfinished by connecting it with a fake dandelion. I remember I had written a poem in my high school titled “Dandelion” and it ended with a sentence stating “Sadly that it is dreamless” (i.e., 恨已是無夢). It has been almost 30 years from the time I wrote this poem, but this time I gave the dandelion a new meaning–the hope to continue chasing my dream.

Jung (1960) talked about the concept of “synchronicity” to describe somethings happen seemingly coincidental yet meaningful that is not about causality. He defined synchronicity as an … …

“acausal connecting principle,” “meaningful coincidence”, “acausal parallelism” or “meaningful coincidence of two or more events where something other than the probability of chance is involved.” (p.44)..”

(Jung, 1960)

It highlights an important element of subjective meaningfulness, which I think it is very important in art making process.

Dandelion – Symbol of Hope and Dream

While I was creating my mandela, I occasionally located a fake Dandelion on the work bench. It looked as if it was a wonderful final touch for my mandela – a symbol of hope and dream. Dandelions bloom in early spring with their golden flowers, it represents the return of growth and life after a harsh winter with a display of strength. The outburst of deep yellow flower heads of the Dandelion in the grass field always give out a sense of happiness and brightness. Days after flower, it goes to seed and forms feathery puffballs. For generations, we were told that if we wish for something while blowing, and manage to blow all of the seeds away, then the wish will come true. For me, the process of blowing the seeds of a dandelion and its symbolic meaning could be more substantial, it serves as a symbol of survival, reborn and rebellion. Dandelion is like a beautiful fighter that refuses to stay hopeless, and it also introduces randomness to those socially accepted regulations and routines of my everyday life.

My synchronicity with the dandelion aids in awakening my need for getting in touch with my inner self and being a more autonomous grown up (as compared with the me in high school), that is to find my path of individuation in Jung’s words. A watercolorist, Charles E. Burchfield, had elevated the dandelion to the spiritual realm in his paintings. He had a caption for his dandelion paintings “does profusion breed Confusion? I think rather it is like the prolific quality of Nature, who scatters seed in such great quantities” (Burchfield, 1916). Does profusion breed confusion? This is really a good question to reflect on our surroundings and lifestyle, and it seems I have more than I need. I tend to be overly function with a tendency striving for perfectionism. However, the irony truth is that I feel inadequate deep in my heart. The more I strive for perfection, the more I feel unrest with myself. By amplifying the characteristics of a dandelion, it allows me to see my need for a more autonomous version of myself by being a little bit more like a wild flower with its freely bloom, even it may make gardeners hectic. Ultimately, I would love to see the scattering seeds grounded for rooting and budding. I am looking for this piece of land for grounding and the simplicity that eases my confusion.